Silas 8:23 PM
Can you come outside? 

I look from my phone to my window. I’m not reading the name wrong; it still says Silas. I part the curtain by a margin. The sun is just starting to set, but there’s just enough light to make out his figure. He’s directly below my window, looking up. One hand is in his pocket, and the other holds his phone. 

I let the curtain fall shut and find a jacket. I slide my arms through the sleeves in front of the mirror, watching every inch of skin disappear. Even when I’m sure I’m completely covered, I give myself a final once over before heading downstairs. 

“Cali,” Dad calls when it’s clear I’m heading for the door.

“Where are you going?”

“Heading out,” I reply.

“With who?” Mom asks, popping into the foyer from the kitchen.

“Silas.” Dad’s face breaks into a smile, and Mom presses a hand against her heart, shutting her eyes. I hear her mutter, “Thank God.” I grab my sleeve, tugging at it. “So...can I go?” 

“Yeah, of course,” Dad nods.

“Invite Silas over at some point,” Mom calls as I shut the door.

It’s always nice seeing how much Mom and Dad love Silas. It makes me miss seeing him, too. How long has it been since we’ve talked? A month? Maybe two? Either way, it feels like an eternity. 

“Hey,” Silas breathes when he sees me. He tucks his phone away.

“Wanna go for a walk?” I nod. “Sure.” 

We walk side by side, but Silas is really leading the way. We don’t say anything, falling into a comfortable silence like we used to. At least it’s comfortable as long as I don’t recede too far into my thoughts. That’s a habit that’s been getting me into trouble lately. 

“Cali?” I glance up. Silas looks at me, a small crease between his eyebrows. “What are you thinking about?” 

“Nothing in particular. What were you saying?”

“Just asking how you are.”

“I’m fine.” Silas stops in front of a bench directly below a street lamp. They come on one by one until we’re illuminated by the one above us. I have to blink a few times at the sudden brightness, but Silas doesn’t even flinch. He stares down at me, trying not to betray any emotions, but I know my best friend. I know something’s wrong. 

I just don’t know if there’s something wrong with him. Silas takes a seat, and I follow suit. There’s a foot of distance between us. I don’t look at Silas, but I feel his eyes on me. I yank the lapels of my jacket together, holding them there, covering even more skin than I already am. 

“I feel like I haven’t seen you in a while,” Silas contemplates.

“Me, too. My parents miss you. They want you to come over.”

“Am I allowed to come over?”

“No one’s stopping you.” 

He gives me a side glance before staring ahead. He taps his fingers against his knee and swallows a few times, collecting his thoughts. 

Or his courage.

“How are things with Tyson?” he ventures.

I gnaw on the inside of my cheek. “Good. Things are good.”

I feel Silas shift beside me. Please don’t ask more questions. “What’d you guys do on your last date?” Of course he does. 

“Same as usual. Watched a movie. Talked.”

“Yeah? What’d you talk about?”

“Our relationship.”

“Do you talk about anything else? That’s the only answer you ever give me when I ask.” “No.” I drop my hand, bouncing my leg up and down. I glance around. “Not my relationship with Tyson. I mean—” I gesture between us “—our relationship.” 

Silas turns to fully face me. “You talked about us?” I nod, still not looking at him. “That’s new.” 

“Not really. We’ve been talking about that lately.”

“But we haven’t really talked in months. What’s there for you and Tyson to talk about?” A laugh escapes me. It sounds dead.

“You’d be surprised.”

Silas goes quiet for a moment. I don’t want to look at him. I don’t want to see what expression he’s making. And I definitely don’t want him to see what expression I’m making. 

“Cali.” I feel my breath catch in my throat. I know that tone of voice. He’s getting to his point. “Are you okay?” 

“I already answered—”

“No, don’t bullshit me this time. Are you actually okay?”

My leg stops bouncing, and I stare straight ahead. The back of my eyes and throat are burning. Please don’t cry. “Why do you ask?” 

“Because you’re not answering me.” Out of the corner of my eye, I see Silas run a hand down his face. “Cali. Don’t you care about being happy?” 

“What makes you think I’m not happy?”

“You’re pale. All the time. You hardly ever smile anymore. I swear you’re always on the verge of a mental breakdown. You don’t even talk to me anymore—” 

“Just because I don’t talk to you doesn’t mean I’m not happy.”

“Did you hear anything else I just said before that?”

I look down at my hands, curtaining my face with my hair. My vision is starting to blur.

“Cali, I’m worried about you.”

“Don’t be. I’m fine. If I wasn’t, you’d be the first person I come to.”

“A few months ago, I would’ve believed that.”

“What changed a few months ago?”

“You started dating Tyson.”

“That didn’t change anything.”

“It changed everything.”

I get to my feet, facing away from Silas. “Nothing’s wrong.”

“I want to believe you—”

“Then just believe me. Isn’t that what a best friend’s supposed to do?”

I hear Silas get to his feet. “You can at least look at me when you say that.” 

I take in a few deep breaths. There’s no way I can reach up to brush away my tears without Silas noticing, but I try anyway before turning around. Silas is still a foot away from me. His eyes scan my face. How broken do I look to him? 

He opens his mouth to say something, but my phone chimes. I inhale sharply, and Silas catches it. His shoulders tense when I turn away to get my phone out of my pocket. I feel Silas’s eyes on me the entire time I’m fumbling for it. When I finally retrieve it, my hands are shaking so much I almost can’t read Tyson’s text. 

Tyson 8:32 PM
Waiting outside your house. Hurry up. 

I text him back, telling him I’ll be right there. I tuck my phone back in my pocket, turning to meet Silas’s eyes. I have no idea what I look like to him — Broken? Scared? Resigned? - but to me, Silas looks like his entire world just shattered. 

I swallow, my mouth feeling dry. “I gotta go.”

Silas doesn’t say anything. Maybe he just needs time to process... One...two... He keeps quiet. Three...four... Please say something. Five...six... I feel the back of my eyes burning again. Seven... eight... Last chance. Nine...ten. Nothing. I swallow and turn away. After five steps, Silas calls my name. I stop walking, but I don’t turn to look at him. 

“I’m not supposed to believe you on this. That wouldn’t make me your best friend. I’d be as bad as Tyson if I chose to believe you.” 

The tears really start to stream down my face, but I keep walking, blinking them away. I walk faster, my steps keeping time with the vibrations of my phone as I step out of the lamplight.